even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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