i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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