and she was petting her beer can
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
