I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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