She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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