$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
