just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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