franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
