I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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