ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
