Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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