drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
