It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
