Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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