She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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