do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize