I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
