you traded sex for a burrito?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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