So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
