i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
