Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
