Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
third nipple confirmed
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
