Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
