shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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