NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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