I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
