The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
