i already hear my dad disowning me
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
