I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
