the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
