my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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