U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
