White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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