Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
