Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
