he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
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