Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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