I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
