He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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