I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
