whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
