evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
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