I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
