Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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