When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
