How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
