Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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