He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
