I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
