I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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