thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
