The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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