That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
