He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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