I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
