TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
this hospital has no fireball
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
false alarm, still single
Randomize