there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
