herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
