so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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