I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
