If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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