escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i came on her dog
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
