hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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