Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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