is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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