Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize