He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
