pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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