I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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