i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
as a side note pls kill me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize