Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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