and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
