why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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