watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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