you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I lost the right to judge tonight
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
