At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
