Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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