I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
