i think my tv is drunk
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
