i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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