I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
