I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
