he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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