When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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