Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
