so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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