Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
