Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
