Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
