you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
