They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize