Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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