Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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