Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
