actually, I'm a sock model
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
