I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
