Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
