I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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