Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
