Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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