Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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