ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
